Over 40% of U.S. teenagers report ongoing sadness or hopelessness, according to recent data. Kenneth Barish, a clinical psychologist at Weill Cornell Medicine, believes grandparents play a crucial role in addressing this mental health crisis—one that mirrors challenges affecting teens in high-achieving societies like Singapore.
Dr. Barish's argument is rooted in a simple observation: humans evolved to raise children within extended families and communities, not in isolated nuclear households. When grandparents are absent or distant, children lose an important source of emotional stability.
Achievement Pressure Is Making Teens Anxious
Across decades, many Western societies have shifted from valuing community and connection to prioritising individual achievement. Research shows this intense pressure to excel links directly to higher rates of anxiety, depression, and substance abuse—particularly among affluent teens.
Dr. Barish argues that achievement alone is a fragile foundation for motivation. A child's confidence depends heavily on external validation of grades, test scores, and awards, leaving them vulnerable when they face inevitable setbacks. This creates chronic stress.
Grandparents Offer "Molecules of Emotional Health"
Grandparents provide what Dr. Barish calls 'molecules of emotional health'—small, repeated moments of genuine attention, encouragement, and understanding. These moments strengthen what he terms a child's 'emotional immune system.' A teen who confidently expects someone to listen and understand develops resilience.
Beyond listening, grandparents can help shift a child's sense of purpose. Research reviewed by psychologist Jane Piliavin found that helping others is linked to higher self-esteem, lower depression rates, better school engagement, and even improved physical health. Grandparents often model kindness and community involvement naturally.
Turn Purpose Into Action
- Facilitate regular, unhurried time between your teen and grandparents—even weekly video calls count if in-person visits aren't possible.
- Involve grandparents in family volunteering or community service projects so your teen sees purpose beyond personal achievement.
- Explicitly discuss kindness, empathy, and helping others with your teen, framed as equally important as academic success.